Saturday, May 23, 2015

What Would I Say To You

She posted on Facebook, a while back, a link to an article. One of those "what not to say" lists, this one about what not to say to someone who is recovering from growing up in a fundamental, controlling, born again, christian culture.

She is actually recovering from something much worse than growing up in a fundamental, controlling, born again, christian culture. She is the victim of a cruel cult masquerading as a christian church. She was able to persevere in leaving and beginning a new life. She found love, got married, gave birth to a beautiful son, has a successful career.

Other people who have left try to explain the difficulties of leaving; the isolation, the psychological issues, the fear, the guilt. Just one of the cult's cruel practices is shunning and ridiculing those who leave. But she did it. She did it courageously, gracefully, and demonstrating great strength.

I don't know the full story of what leaving cost her.

What would I say to her? I would say:
I'm sorry for your suffering. You are brave. You are powerful. You are strong. Strength, wholeness, and freedom  define you. What seems impossible for others, you do with clarity. You have wisdom beyond my understanding.

Do I have any advice for her? Yes.
Stay strong. Do what's best for you and your new family. Love yourself. Love your husband. Don't lose yourself in being a mommy - aim for being a good enough mommy, don't try to be best mommy in the world. Drink wine and get regular facials. Or pedicures. Have fun. Have as much fun as you can.
 Now that I know what I would say to her, I'm going to finally read that article.


  1. I have a friend who was in a cult church about 35 years ago, and it was very courageous to leave (it was also difficult and painful to make a new life). Your advice is good. Off to read those articles now...

  2. I'm glad she was able to get out. I am also glad she has you to extend love and grace to her. Blessings on her as she continues to heal and recover.

  3. It's only taken me a few months, but I have found your new blog.

    It's hard to find the right words, sometimes. What matters most is that you care to try.

    -Coffee-Drinking Woman (your comment box seems to not want to let me comment as anything but anon)